The Bottom of the Barrel
by Chrissy Masen Magnitude
Summary: Formaly known as "The Only Reason For Living". So Bella's got problems and who might be there to help get through all this? I don't know you tell me. Just try it out, I promise It's not as bad as it sounds. Summary doesn't do anyone justice, all Human/OOC
1. Wierd First Sightings

**I do not own any of Stephenie Meyers Characters**

Alright everyone hope you enjoy this is my first attempt at this kinda thing so don't be too 's gonna be just short drabbles because I'm not fully contempt on long updates and such.  
R&R please i would love your opinions with the story and if i should keep going.  
Well enough rambling lets move on shall we...

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BPOV-

As I put on one of my newest grunge mini corset dresses and match it with my favourite pair of torn leggings and black converse, I took a look at myself in the mirror and re-applied my black eyeshadow and nude lip gloss, I wonder what everyone would think of me. I could hear it all now, the constant whispers, the frantic glares, the faltering smiles -that might regret smiling in the first place- just to please the chiefs daughter HA! like I need pleasing, every ones always trying to please what they hate these days. Well lets get on with the show shall we...

So I got in my rusted old chevy and headed for school this morning and it started off okay in a way until some overly ectastic preppy boy named Mike Newton tryed talking to me during lunch.

A hand was waving in front of my face "Bella!" that Newton kid again, what does he want from me now.

"Huh?" i said trying to act surprised.

"I was just asking if you wanted to -ow!- what the... Eric!" and I thanked the heavens that Eric kid smacked him hard enough on the head to cause a play fight of some sort of bromance, glad to have had someone distract him so I could eat somewhere else, so i grabbed my lunch and ate outside. Aha peace and quiet.

That was the end of my preppy torments as I finished my lunch, got up, went back inside and, walked down the hallway to my next class.

"Biology" I said aloud to myself, wow don't I just love that subject .I groaned silently.

So I entered the room -thankful to be the first person- and sat in the very back.

After a few minutes of doodling in my notebook a bunch of kids started rushing in, and that's when i noticed the very last -and late- person coming through the door with an odd colour bronze hair, white pale form and the very blackest - i assumed them to be contacted- of eyes staring straight at me with the weirdest look -almost like he wanted to kill me- like he wanted to smack me or something.

_"Whoa"_ I thought to myself _"Those have got to be the coolest eyes i have seen today"_I almost awed with adoration and decided to straighten up and look forward instead.

"Well Edward so glad you decided to join us" the teachers tone had a bit of a snarky attitude which made me wanna slap him a bit. Whoa what made me just think like that, get a grip -I mentally smacked myself- you don't even know this Edward character stop defending him.

"Sorry sir won't happen again" mm...his voice is so - snap out of it Bella!, I looked and saw the apologetic look on his face and it honestly looked like he was trying really hard to put it there.

"Well since you decided to join us so abruptly late your stuck with the only seat in the back" -uh oh I just remembered the only seat left was the one next to me, wow how am I gonna sit next to the most intimidating person I have ever known- I faltered a fake smile as he made his way to the seat.

"Hi my names bella, I'm your lab partner for the rest of the semester" another fake smile, and it usually wasn't like me to start conversations but I had to talk to someone to keep me sane right?.

Well I was wrong because all he did was glare, sit down and, looked to the front of the class.

_"Jeez what a jerk!"_I mentally voiced and, visioned slapping him.

Doesn't matter I don't need friends here anyways, I've got only 2 years left here I should be happy, funny thing is I'm not.

After class I rushed off to my next class, Gym.

Fantastic. This will be great, I mentally groaned.

So we were playing volleyball when all of a sudden the ball hits my face WHAM! instant nose bleed thank you very much to who ever hit that, well at least I don't have to play anymore.

As I walked to the bleachers i instantly see a pixie like figure with black spikey hair, fair translucent skin and warm golden topaz eyes sitting and looking at me with a look of confusion and pity -when she saw my nose- on her.

"That must hurt allot" I nodded "Here take this -and she handed me what seemed to be an ice pack- the coach told me to bring it for you" that voice has to be the most non-annoying thing I have heard today.

"I just can't wait to get out of here" oh I'm forgetting something "Oh by the way my names Bella, I'm guessing everyone already knows me as the chiefs daughter right?"

"Yep we've been expecting you Bella, And my name is Alice" She put her hand out to greet me.

I shook it and got mentally shocked when I noticed her hand was cold, when I was about to open my mouth to ask the bell buzzed and she just let out a cheery goodbye and left. _'Hmmm...I wonder why her hands are so cold...oh well you know what they say "Curiousity killed the cat"'._So I after I was done changing I went straight to my car, I could swear at the moment I looked up from the ignition I saw at that very moment the same boy staring intently in my direction so I closed my eyes and shook my head clearing all thoughts and opened my eyes again, he was gone _'Wow I must be going crazy or something'_ I just shrugged it off and started my car heading home thinking _'Hmmm...I wonder what tomorrow will bring me, hopefully no more nosebleeds' _i inwardly groaned at that_._

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**So what did you think?  
Hope you enjoyed & Thank you for reading 3.  
Reviews are better then cats.**


	2. Secrets That Lie Within

**This chapter is gonna be sad because there is gonna be a shocking secret uncovered and i wonder what?!  
i don't know you'll have to read it for your self mwuahahaha.  
K peoples moving on with this chapter...**

**So I Don't Own Twilight or Any of the Characters, it's all Stephenie Meyers.**

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BPOV-

I awoke from the nights rest to that stupid alarm.

I try ed to look at it with my sleepy haze, I growled viciously at it.

"5:30 a.m., Are you serious!" I slapped at it viciously until I heard it fall hard to the floor with a loud thump.

"Great only thing waking me up, and it brakes" I sat up way too fast for my liking "Whoa light headed" I sat down, feeling a little woozy from last night.

_"Flashback"_

_'I came home slightly irritated 'Pshaw it was like this 'Edward' character had effects on me'_

_I slammed my backpack slightly too hard causing the plate and the knife to crash and hit the floor._

_"Oh great 2nd day and I break something, My clumsy traits are acting up" I inwardly sneered._

_I eyed the biggest piece of porcelain warily, 'that would feel so good cut-shh! stop...thinking like that is why your here in the first place!'_

_I sobbed a bit thinking about that horrible moment in my past, I shook my head and cleared my thoughts._

_Positive thinking Bella. I straightened up my posture, breathed in and out, and put on the the best 'thinking positive' smile i could._

_I picked up the pieces one by one putting them in the trash can._

_When it came back to getting the knife I stood there warily just starring at it._

_I gave in and reached for it, putting it directly to my wrist to slowly steady it right on my last scar._

_I gave a sharp intake of breath when the pain came and sighed with the great relief it gave me._

_I reached for the nearest towel and wrapped it around my cut carefully and put the knife in the sink, then washed it with my one free hand._

_Realization crept up into my head in that instant "Oh no, I just did something I wasn't supposed to do"_

_I sobbed hopelessly, turned the tap off and dragged myself up to my room._

_As i lay ed there crying there, in my bed, with loud sobs i was thinking 'Oh no what would Rene think if she knew'._

_To think I even promised her I would try my best at a new fresh life._

_So i just cried and cried until they turned into quiet tearless sobs and I fell asleep.'_

_"End of Flashback"_

I shook my head to clear my thoughts _'From now on try your best to not come close to sharp objects'_ I lectured to myself.

"Uhggg!" I said loudly, remembering I had to go to school today, getting off my comfortable bed to get dressed.

When I was done I did a quick intake in the mirror once making sure the sleeve covered my wrist enough.

I took a deep breath in and out, I hopelessly looked down at my wrist and noticed it had healed a bit.

I gently took a quick caress, my breath hitched a little when i noticed the sting it caused.

So i decided to get the gauze wrap and put it around my wrist carefully _'That should cover it up, I'll just say I slipped trying to get ot of my car or something'_.

Hopefully that would remind everyone of my clumsiness.

I walked down the stairs warily feeling a little light headed.

I walked straight to the door, with a granola bar in my hand.

"Well here goes nothing" i said as I opened the door and walked out...

'O.M.G could that be...' I blinked mindlessly, I saw the one face I thought I would never see again.

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**I know right short update & sadness going on right?  
WRONG! because to your greatest relief or dismay this is probably the most angsty I'll get or else  
I'll depress myself and everyone too much so...  
Reviews are better then Painful Flashbacks.**


	3. The Greatest Relief

**OME! I'm back with an update just for my reviewer thank you very much** **crepuscular light**  
**updating just for you hun hope you like it =D  
On with the story we go...**

BPOV-

_'O.M.G could that be...' I blinked mindlessly, I saw the one face I thought I would never see again.'_

"Billy!, oh my god is it really you!" I was really shocked, He'd grown so much Black hair, green eyes, fair skin, and an almost muscular form aha I guess he's been working out these days.

"Bella! wow I thought I would never see you 've changed allot" he said with probably the biggest smile on his face.

**A/N: Whoa pause for a sec I know your probably thinking who the hell is Billy and where did he come from, well he's Bellas friend from elementry (not really but he is now) but seriously they had a special friendship so don't be too hard on me if they get close and do things that friends don't do, remember Bellas not normal okay & who knows what might happen eh? aw I'm just kidding don't hate me .**

I ran to him and gave him the biggest hug "Wow I can't believe your here, wait why are you here and how?"

"Ha long story short I got kicked out of my other high school so my mom decided to make a new fresh life and come to Forks"

"Wow coincidence that you would come to the same town as me, well I guess it's a sign we can never be separated" i said sarcastically.

"I guess it is eh?"

"I'm just so glad you came, things have been so weird, it's so good to have someone I know with me now".

"Same, so it is forks high isn't it?, and where is it anyways?" the confusion on his face is priceless

"Yes and I was about to go now anyways, wanna join?"I asked with hope that he would.

"Sure, I'll probably get lost anyways" He said with a shrug.

That's the one and only Billy for you, always getting lost.

So the drive there was questions and questions of catching up, I would've never figured we had so much in common these days.

"Well I guess I better go get my schedule"

I frowned "Great, what if we don't have classes together, what would I ever do without you!" I said with mock enthusiasm

Of course he laughed. "Yes what would you do without me, just remember there's always lunch".

"Oh yeah, thanks for reminding me" I hugged him, walked to the front door and waved him goodbye "See ya later Billy!"

"Bye Bella see ya at lunch" he waved with a huge smile.

I knew I wasn't acting like me but I guess being around him just brings my spirits up, maybe the next 2 years won't be that bad. I should probably keep him out of trouble if I want him to stay here with me or is that being selfish hm...it wouldn't hurt anyone right? well no one but me.

As I walked into 1st I inwardly growled when someone was in my favourite seat _'Seriously why today?'_ so I took the seat in the front 'Just fantastic I have to listen to something I already know today'

"Hey Bella!"came a musical voice I loved.

"Hi Alice" I said pathetically

"What's wrong" she asked with concern on her face.

"Oh nothing important I-" then the bell interrupted me 'Jeez stupid bell'.

Then she moved quickly to her seat 2 desks behind me

_'I knew I would have to explain it to her later'_ great here comes the supply Mr.I-fail-hard-at-life.

Today's gonna be a long day...

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So Watcha Think Huh? I know sucks right?  
well too bad that's what your gonna get from me because today sucks I'm in a very gloomy mood.  
Reviews are better than Crazy People =D.

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	4. Wierd First Sightings EPOV

**A/N: Alright sorry I've delayed long enough but I got some massive writer's block on Thursday, I promise i'll worn you guys with A/N notes about it. Family day really helped me get through the day specially because so many laugh and inside jokes went around. It's so awsome to have you readers put up with my crappy story, so thanks so much it's only 2 reviews but it means alot =).**

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EPOV-

Fuck I'm gonna be late again, not gonna hear the end of it specially from the guidance teacher. Fuck it just suck it up and fake it, everyone expects the best from you anyways. I don't even know why i put up with that shit, only 2 fucking years left and you're out of this place.

I sighed _'Can't wait to be out of this hell hole'_.

I put on the best fake smile I could as I entered _'The best class on earth'_. I fucking rolled my eyes, yeah right.

As I entered the classroom I already caught the teachers sarcastic fucking smug face, then that's when I caught a pair of brown eyes covered with very black -what seems to be- eyeshadow, Fucking emos piss me off.

I gave her the best death glare I could _'Ha hope my black contacts scare you'_

She straightened up and looked froward, _'Good that oughta teach you to fucking stare at me'_ she was clearly a new girl from the looks of it.

"Well Edward so glad you decided to join us" I swear this teacher needs to learn how to shut the fuck up, especially if he wants to see the end of this month.

"Sorry sir won't happen again" It came out -what seemed sort of- apologetic _'just 2 more fucking years'_I repeated in my head over and over and tried to put on the best apologetic smile I could.

"Well since you decided to join us so abruptly late your stuck with the only seat in the back" Fucking arrogant son of a bitch. I looked around and found the only empty seat was next to that girl, great I'm stuck with miss depression for the rest of the semester.

"Hi my names Bella, I'm your lab partner for the rest of the semester" Ha what a fake smile. I just gave her another glare _'What fucking makes you think I want to be your friend'._

So I just sat down at looked intently to the front of the class, _'fucking attention seeking girl'_.

As soon the bell buzzed I left the classroom as quick as possible, I couldn't stand one more minute sitting beside _'miss deppresion' ._

I opened the doors to my escape, walked straight to my car, got in, and pulled out a cigarette.

Lit it up without indecision, took a long pull and puffed it out. Ahhh so much better!.

After I was done I turned on my stereo and blasted the distracting music, _'This should kill some of the the time'_.

I soon fell asleep, to wake up 40 minutes later 'Oh great I fell asleep'.

I got out of my car to see a whole bunch of girls pass by me, when I caught one of them giving me bedroom eyes _'Hm...I should get that -what's her face again, oh yeah- Lauren girls number, maybe get rid of some of my tension'._

Ha bet she's easier then she loo- where the hell is that loud groaning sound coming from.

I looked around to lock eyes with the girl I tried my best to ignore, I started to become lost in those deep brown eyes and lost my train of though when all of a sudden she closed them and brought me back to reality. I shook my head _'Whoa...I am fucking high strung, where's that lauren girl'_ I left to find the key to my release.

Wow my word is never wrong Lauren only had to see me to agree right away, so I took her to my apartment and got exactly what I wanted.

As she fell into deep sleep I lit up my cigarette and found myself wondering about that fucking girl in Bio, why did her face hold awe? and what was so fucking interesting about me?.

Hm...I could try to talk to her and see what exactly has her holding interest in me or any other girl in the school that basically eye fucks me.

Why not then I could probably get past her barriers and have some fun with her. Never been with a freak before, -I shrugged a bit- she's not fucking bad looking either.

I put out the cigarette and found myself being pulled into the Blackpool of a deep sleep I so dearly hated.

My dream consisted of smoke,flames, and screams. I found myself walking abruptly, coughing my lungs out, to the feel of someone shaking me violently.

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**Oh noes! mwuahahaha i suck right right aha (the answer is yes i do suck k) lol.  
So I know this chapter wasn't really good but I feel you had to know what Edwardo was thinking.  
(yes I used Edwardo got a problem, NO! didn't think so!) I'm sorry I'm not really good with a guy's  
point of view so hope this was good enough to reassure you what a meanie and sleaze he is.**

**Reviews are better than Asshole Edward =D.**


	5. Weird Situations

**Kay so I'm bored as hell peoples expect some more of my crappy work and I don't think I'm gonna get writer's block this week maybe on Friday I can definately feel it coming.**

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EPOV-

Whoa what the fuck was that? and who the hell is shaking me so damn hard. I opened my eyes to see Lauren. "Calm down I'm ok".

"Oh my god, you almost gave me a heart attack Masen" She said with a hand over her heart.

"Why? what happened while I was sleeping?" I asked with slight confusion, while I pulled out a cigarette and lit it.

"First I'm gonna open a window" she said coughing a little, while heading to the window. "Well first off you were coughing and screaming, which woke me up. You were scaring me, so I woke you up" she said while sitting back down on the bed.

What the? Okay time to change the subject. "So how did you sleep last night?"

"You know I can't keep doing this right?" she said ignoring my question.

"Keep doing what?" I tried to act like I didn't know what she was talking about.

"You can't keep playing with my feelings like this" she said with a sad smile.

"Yeah I know, I promise this is the last time" I knew I could never measure up to the kind of standards she wanted in a guy, but fuck me -no pun intended- If I needed someone to keep me in line.

"It better be" she teased, playfully pushing me. "But you know I'm still there if you need to talk about anything, right?" she said with a small smile.

I blew out some smoke and said "Sure".

She smiled and shook her head. "You never change do you Masen?"

I shrugged. "Guess not eh?".

"Okay well I'm gonna head back home my parents should be at work by now, You gonna be ok?". I nodded and blew out another puff of smoke. "See you at school. Later!" she said jumping off the bed, grabbing her things.

**A/N: Don't be mad! _. Him and Lauren are friends from like way back and she knows the way he is I had to have at least one girl that was friends with him _. I Love You All! 3.**

As soon as she left I puffed out the rest of the smoke and put out my cigarette. I grabbed a pair of faded jeans, a button down shirt, a pair of socks and headed for the bathroom.

As soon as I finished getting ready I, grabbed my car keys, and headed straight for the the elevator to the parking lot.

I opened the door to my brand new silver volvo, started the ignition and sped my way to school.

I parked in my usual spot, and got ready for another day of fucking depression, 'well here goes nothing'...

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****I** **know right it's really bad (but I told you I wasn't good at a guys point of view)  
well it'll get better I have a really good plot to this they just gotta talk and  
stuff for it to get good k so be patient haha I love you all! xoxo**

**Reviews are better than Cigarettes =D.**


	6. Evasive Conversations

**A/N:**OMG! It's been like 5 billion years since I've updated but I promise to keep my head in this story because I absolutely love and am dedicated to it. Oh my gosh I love my 2 reviewers/tear. I hope this is what you have been waiting for, can't guarantee who she's gonna end up with- oops aha don't wanna give anything away do i?. Well she'll end up with who I feel like she should end up with and yes I am confusing deal with it. Well enough of my constant emotional worthless blabber, let's get on with the story...

**Disclaimer:**Pshh do I even need to put this up...I write nothing like her.

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EPOV-

Oh yeah I was right about depression...although _'miss depression'_wasn't as bad as yesterday. She didn't have that stupid raccoon make-up on anymore.

Ha yeah you'd think that make a difference to how she made me- Oh great now I sound like a fucking chick.

So I quietly took my seat next to her and she gave me the death glare, whoa that's pretty fucking hot.

She should definately lay off the make-up; way sexier.

"See anything you like?" She said as she caught me staring at her from the corner of her eye.

"Pshh yeah right" I said rolling my eyes.

"Well, I am indeed very hurt from that comment" she said using mock sarcasm.

"I would be if I were you" did I mention she's hot when she's angry.

"Oh, and why is that?" she said looking directly at me.

"Good question, _'why is that?'"_ I said mocking her.

"Ugh Quit it, I hate evasive conversation".

"Well I'm just gonna have to keep that in handy, When ever I want to annoy you I'll know what to do".

She was glaring at me again while saying "Well well, aren't we just high and mighty today?"

"Just about as high and mighty as someone can be"

"So you're a smart ass, ey?" she said giving me a smirk.

"Yeah, just about the smartest ass you'll ever meet"

"Oh really? and perhaps I'm supposed to be lucky that I'm even talking to you right?"

"Yeah, I think that pretty much covers it"

Then she started laughing and shaking her head.

"What's so funny?"

"You" she said while having her last laugh.

"Oh and what is it that you find so funny about me?"

"No not you it's just...I don't know it's just I haven't met anyone that's acted so real with me, It's just a relief you know?" she said smiling at me.

"I know exactly how you feel, erm..." I said trying to gain a name from her.

"Isabella Swan but call me Bella" She put out her hand.

"I'm Edward, Edward Masen...nice to meet you Bella" I said as I shook her hand, wait was there just an electric current coming from her body. I let go of her hand instantly.

"You too Edward" She said while frowning down at her hand.

"Hm...Edward you mind if I ask you a question?" she said looking serious. Hm...I like the way she says my name.

"Mmm...How bout no" I said teasing her.

I guess she ignored that because she continued.

"Well I was wondering..."

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**Aha Yes! Cliffy's rock my world! Sweet!.  
-narrows eyes- you know what would be awesome...if you'd actually you know review'd =)  
you know you want to...the review button is all tempting like that.**

**Reviews are better than Me coming done from a sugar rush.**


	7. Don't Touch Me There

**A/N: This is for me so I can prove to myself that long chapters are possible for me and that it's ok to be half crazy half weird ^_^ now I know what you're thinking "Oh she sucks why bother?". *cough* *cough* why don't you try coming up with plots and good quips for you FF everyday huh? didn't think so. Well this long Chapter is mainly for me so I could finally prove to myself that I could write something long for once =D well enough of my constant chatting. Here is your new update...**

**Disclaimer: Alright, alright you don't need to rub it in my face now. Gosh.**

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BPOV-

-1 month later-

So I decided to have a movie night...It's Friday and I'm bored ok, so...I invited Angela, Alice, Billy, Eric, Edward, Jasper.**)A/N: Sorry I didn't mention him but that was a chapter that really didn't make it.(**Hmm...that seems just about right.

I made some popcorn, grabbed some blankets, and rented some horror&comedy movies. That should do it...hmmm...what do I do now. Oh yeah, so I went up stairs to find a cute outfit to wear today. Bright blue t-shirt, Neon yellow skinnies, bright blue flats, and a neon yellow hoody.**)A/N:Yes Bright colors are loved by me it's true(**What shall I do with this hair hm...Yes! I got the curling iron and curled the tips a bit. Now make-up, Oh yeah did I mention I was cutting down on it a bit ok so moving on...Yellow eyeshadow with blue under the eyes, a bit of mascara, and some lip gloss. Hm I'm quite happy with- oh! there's knocking.

I half-ran down the stairs, Umphh! I keep falling on my ass.

"Stupid stairs" I glared and growled at them while rubbing my sore but.

I went to go answer the door only to get attacked by the pixie formally known as Alice.

"Hey Bella!, Oh my god! this is just fantastic isn't it!?".

"Whoa Alice first can't breathe second your scaring me and third what's so fantastic?".

"Well um...I was kinda talking to Jasper today and...".

"Go on, I'm waiting".

"Well...hekindaaskedmeoutsoerenowacouple".

"Ok um not so fast, there is a slow person in the room right now".

She gave me a stern look then giggled excitedly saying "Jasper and I are dating now!" she squealed. Then she eyed me up and down, gave me a gasp, and said "Wow Bella who you impressing, huh?" while bumping my side.

"Pshhh...No on- one it's just um I was um feeling...Want some popcorn?" I half squeaked on the last part.

"Bella!, answer my question right now and do not lie to me because it's not going to work!" she put her serious face on.

"Fine but you can't tell anyone ok" I said giving her a serious face.

She zippered up her mouth and threw away the key. I laughed a little.

"Alright so I might erm...havealittlecrushonedward"

"Hm what was that?, come again?" she said smiling.

"I said I might have a tiny little crush on him" I mumbled, maybe she wouldn't hear and I could end this conversation.

"Oh my god Bella! you know you can't! he's the most womanizing douche bag there is!" she said with a very angry tone.

I recoiled a bit "I know I'm just as ashamed as you are but It'll go away, correction I'll make it go away. Happy Alice"

"Bella you know I'm happy that you actually like someone and that you guys are friends and all but maybe just not him, I mean come on! you don't need that kinda drama" she said averting her gaze to the T.V.

"Wait, Drama erm like what kinda drama?" I said heading for the couch and sitting down.

Alice followed shortly after saying "Come on you don't realize all the girls that he leaves with, it's kinda gross if you ask me..."

"Yeah about that you know I kinda block that out since I do um...kind of like him a bit" I looked down at the floor and stared picking at my sleeves.

"Bella three words, .Away. He's bad news".

We had a whole conversation about School, Boys, the works. An hour later we were all sitting on the couch: Eric and Angela on the love seat. Jasper, Alice, Me and Billy on the big couch and another love seat reserved for Edward and some date that Alice mentioned in our talk. I tell you I was getting very impatient waiting for Edward he was 30 fricken minutes late...

Knock, knock.

I glared at the door and got up quickly. I opened the door to see some girl with strawberry hair and blue eyes draped around Edward, _'whore'_ is the first thing that came to mind looking at her then I felt a pang in my chest _'Don't let this effect you Bella it's ok you're just friends he's not yours'_ that saddend me a bit.

"Hm...care to introduce and explain?" I quirked my eyebrow.

"Bella this is Tanya, Tanya this is Bella" he motioned a finger between us.

"Nice to meet you Tanya..." I felt like smacking her for some reason but turned around and said "Welcome and make yourself at home" I strode back to the couch and sat in my spot next to Billy and Alice.

I know that was a bitch move but I don't take too kindly to Edward's little whores and I think I've made it pretty clear. Especially my little talk about not making out in front of me, and etc.

"Wow, Bella you look beautiful today" he had this emotion that I didn't recognize in his eyes, could that be- I shook my head 'it's just your imagination running wild'.

Wait...I could have fun with this, I mean I haven't flirted with anyone except Edward this whole month...

"Billy stop the lies" I blushed and fiddled with my sleeves.

"Please Bella you know I never lie well...never to you" he quirked the cutest smile at me.

I messed with his hair a little and said "Ok cutie I believe you, now go get me a blanket and pop in a movie" I pushed him off the couch.

He gave me a playful smirk and said "And what do I get in return?"

"A nice, long, hard...kick in the shin if you don't get me my blanket right now" I gave him the pout.

His face softened "Aw Bells you know I can't say no to that face, fine but you owe me" he turned to get the blanket.

Alice giggled at my attempt to flirt She whispered in my ear "Bella you didn't tell me you had a thing for your best friend".

I glared at her "Alice I'm not I'm just erm...shut up ok".

"Bella there's nothing wrong with that, just tone it down a bit" she said with a smirk while bumping my shoulder.

"Sorry sometimes it just comes natural especially with Billy, I don't I guess there's just something about him you know?" I said fidgeting a bit.

"Well I do see something there...hm this could be a possibility to get over Edward" she said with a huge smile quirking her eyebrow at me.

"Alice I don't thi-" Then a pair of arms grabbed me and then I was sitting on Billy's lap with a blanket draped over us.

I smacked his arm playfully "You almost gave me a heart attack!"

"Oh please don't give me that over dramatic nonsense" he once again quirked a smile my way.

"Oh you want to see over dramatic, I'll give you over dramatic...now let's go put in the movie..." I got up and dragged him with me

"Pshhh fine Princess your wish is my command" he bowed.

"Yeah that's to you my good sir".

"Yeah sure sure...alright which movie?"

"_'Donnie Darko'_!".

He gave me the are-you-serious look "Ughh not that again Bella you can't tell me you're still obsessed with that damn movie".

"Still am and always will be" I grabbed it from him and popped it in the DVD player as soon as it was closed I was grabbed again by Billy and he sat me down on his lap again.

"Umphh. Yeah thanks for the heart attack again" I glared and punched his arm.

"Shhh Bella, the movie is starting" he gave me the best smart ass smile.

I just pressed my back to his chest and sighed...ah just like old times, I missed spending time with him. I missed our friendship. I missed us.

Halfway through the movie I heard this annoying noise. I looked to Edwards couch only to see making out and the most inappropriate thing 'oh my god I don't wanna know where her hand is right now'.

I tried getting up but Billy pushed me back to him whispering near my ear "Where do you think your going?"

I shivered a bit " Erm..I'm gonna go get a soda okay?, be right back".

"Alright but try not to fall on the way" he teased.

I punched his arm and got up. I went to Edwards couch and dragged him behind me saying "Edward could you help me with something? Thanks".

As soon as I got to the kitchen I put full force and smacked his arm as hard as possible "What the hell Edward!?" I whisper-yelled.

"What do you-" he stopped when I narrowed my eyes.

"Oh you saw that huh..." he started scratching his neck.

"Yeah and I'm actually not very happy with where her hand was either...we had this talk already" I gave him a stern look.

"Bella we just got a little carried away, forgive me?" he gave me the puppy dog face.

I softened up a bit "Ugh fine, only because your cute and I can't resist that damn look smart ass" I ruffled his hair and felt the jolt of electricity again.

I took my hand away and looked at it curiously then looked back at Edward only to be met with dark green eyes.

Then his lips came crashing into mine.

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O.M.G! Longest fucking chapter I've ever made! geez that is fucking tiring as shit dude _, Kay so reviews would be nice, thanks.  
Review then Go watch Donnie Darko.**

Reviews are better than hands being in the wrong places. (Well only when they're the wrong hands anyways.)


	8. Mixed Feelings

**A/N: OMG! I've finally brought this lovely chapter to you with the help of my awesome Beta, Musings of a Shaken Mind. If it weren't for her help and guidance I don't think I would've continued on with this story. I would also like a review or two, that would be nice. If this helps more, sigh, then I'll give the 15th reviewer a place in the chapter after the next one because I've already made the next chapter and plan on keeping it the same. So what do you say, eh?**

**Disclaimer: You're right i don't own Twilight or it's characters, however I do mess around with them a lot.

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BPOV-

He pressed me against the fridge, his strong arms on either side of my head, trapping me where I was. I pulled desperately away, but his soft, firm lips found the sensitive skin of my neck. I needed to find a way to get him away from me- _oh!_ he discovered my weak spot. I moaned, and he reacted by grinding into me which caused us both to hiss with pleasure. This needed to stop, now.

"Edward...oh god...Edward, stop" _please, Edward... have more control over yourself, so that my virginity remains intact for now._

"Why?..." he asked, grinding into me again.

I groaned; he wasn't making this easy. "Edward...ungh...this-this isn't r-right".

"It feels right, why can't you just go with it...please, Bella." He pulled back to look at me with glazed, hooded eyes that seemed darker than usual with lust.

"Billy and Tanya are going to get worried and de-definitely find us, this is a bad idea..."

He pulled reluctantly away, his free will seeming to return to him. "Fuck," he murmured, "you're right Bella, thanks for snapping me out of that." He paused, before kissing my forehead and grabbing my hand, leading me with him.

_Whoa, now that's some kind of confusing...oh well_, I quickly shook it off as we entered the living room.

I leapt over the arm of the couch, scaring everyone. "OH!- sorry."

Billy quickly pulled me to him, his possessive side showing itself. "What took so long?"

"Sorry, couldn't decide whether I wanted Coke or Sprite," I lied.

"Well...I'm glad you're back." He rested his chin on my shoulder and I automatically leaned in to his warmth.

Everything after that passed by in a blur, but all I could think about was what had happened between me and Edward. It was definitely a mixed signal, but I couldn't make out what it all meant. Had he felt the same way I had, when he'd had me pressed against the fridge? Did it make as much sense to him as it did to me? Was he even thinking about this too?_ This is frustrating, why doesn't it make sense to me. I know exactly what will help me._

When everyone left, I ran to my bedroom, opened up my purse and found the razor that had helped me through so much.

I placed it on an unblemished section of skin and pressed down, drawing the blade across my raw skin. Everything was forgotten when I hit this kind of ecstasy, my worries were tossed into the black hole of sheer bliss. I could breathe again. I grabbed the towel next to me and let the world fall back on my shoulders, coming down from my temporary high. Yes, I felt bad. But did it feel wrong? No, not at all.

I tossed aside my bed sheets and jumped in. I didn't know if my bed had ever felt more comfortable than it did right now. With that final thought I was out like a light, falling into a dreamless sleep.

EPOV-

_Stupid! Stupid! Stupid!_I was pacing back and forth across the only place that my thoughts seemed coherent, the beautiful meadow I found whenever I wanted to simplyescape fromthe world and take a deep breath. With mom and dad constantly on my back about the most stupid shit ever, I needed something to calm me down, so I found solace in the place that soothed me the most.

God how could I be so fucking stupid to just attack her like that?!There goes a good friendship ruined because my stupid hormones. She probably hated me now, I didn'tdeserve her trust, I never had. This was too confusing, Whenever I looked into those deep brown eyes, I saw this glint in her eyes that made my stomach do weird things. Whenever she blushed and looked down I felt inexplicably like tipping her chin up and kissing her senseless. I just wish I knew what it meant. I needed to stop thinking about her. I needed to be me, not this pathetic little wimp she seemed to be turning me into.

Since when did some girl have this much of an effect on me?! It had never been this bad. I needed to get away for a while, just clear my head. I knew I had some explaining to do tomorrow.

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Well I do believe this is one hell of a short chapter but you do know what could make the next chapter come faster...I mean there is this big button that says review but pshhh I guess I don't know what I'm talking about maybe I'm just imagining it or not, it could be real. Pffft. Review, and no one gets hurt.**

**Reviews can be found at the end of the rainbow.**


	9. Ready, Set, Run!

**A/N: Seriously, if you can read I'd kind of figure you could at least review, sorry that was harsh. All I'm asking for is some reviews bad or good would do. Please and Thank you. If you decide not to review I guess I will continue on with this story but it will get shorter due to the lack of confidence you guys give me when you don't review.**  
**  
Disclaimer: Alright I don't own Twilight, but I do own this plot hehe.**

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BPOV-

I waited in Biology for Edward to appear,but he never showed. I needed to talk to him about our little...whatever that was, or I was going to go completely crazy.

As soon as school was finished, I went straight for my car, floored the accelerator and drove straight for his apartment.

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"Edward...what's wrong?" My question came out a little too hesitant. I'd been sitting in his apartment for a while now with nothing but silence. It was seriously agitating.

He was doing the nervous run-hand-through-hair thing**, **and when he spoke it was abrupt, even a little rude."Well, where do I start?"

I could never bear seeing him like this. I rose out of the chair I was sitting on and sat on the couch, next to him. I grabbed his hand and pulled it from his death grip on his head. I brought my free hand up to his cheek to calm him down. He leaned in to my touch and sighed. In answer to his question, all I had to offer was, "the beginning is always good..."

"I'm leaving." He looked in to my eyes with what had to be the most heart-broken expression ever seen by one person.

"What?...why?" I asked in a hurried whisper.

"It's a family emergency." He was lying to me**;** his eyes wouldn't meet mine.

I brought his face to down to my level. "Edward, don't lie to me".

"I'm not lying." _Um, yeah, Edward... and I'm not clumsy._

"Then why are you avoiding my eyes? Look me in the eye, and I'll believe you."

"Sorry, I just...I didn't...can we talk about this tomorrow?"

I nodded my head, irrationally disappointed. "Sure... that's ok." I brought his head down on to my lap. "I came to talk to you about yesterday..." His body seemed to turn to stone beneath me, he became so stiff.

"I'm sorry, is this the wrong time...?" _I probably shouldn't have come today_.

"Yeah**... **No** - **I don't know. I'm sorry I attacked you yesterday." His face showed nothing but utter sincerity. So, he did regret kissing me. My heart seemed to plummet in my chest, bottoming out somewhere near my stomach.

"It takes two to tango." I chuckled, needing to laugh, so that I didn't cry.

"I suppose it does" he looked thoughtful.

"Did you feel it too, then?" _Oops... that wasn't supposed to come out._

"Feel what?" He looked confused, and a little... frightened**?**

"That spark, don't you feel it now?" I felt kind of panicky, what if he thought I was some kind of stalker**-**freak**?**

"Yeah, I did actually...what do you think it means?"

"I don't know, maybe we'll make sense of it soon..." I was beyond the point of confusion right now.

"Why is life so complicated?" His eyes looked so tired and defeated.

I answered his rhetorical question, though I wasn't sure he needed an answer."I don't know Edward, I don't know..." I ran my hands through his hair, trying to calm him down. He sighed.

He abruptly sat up brought both of my hands in his and asked "Do you want to come away with me?" His eyes shone with excitement. His changing moods were giving me a strange sense of whiplash. But - but the prospect of running away together... it intrigued me...**  
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"That sounds great, fantastic even, but what about school?..."

I bit my lip, _this sounds so damn tempting and perfect_. Edward groaned.

"Please Bella" _I absolutely loathe his ridiculous, beautiful crooked grin._

"Fine, only because I can't resist your charming good looks" I messed around with his hair and felt the spark again but way stronger than it was last time. I couldn't believe this. We were going to run away from it all... together. Together, with Edward...

"Bella..." There was that look from yesterday again.

"Edward..." his eyes were melting any coherent thought I had at that moment. Screw school. Screw grades. I would follow him anywhere, and I knew it.

"I want to kiss you right now..." he didn't need to finish that sentence, I already knew how it was going to end. And I decided that it was my turn to attack him this time.

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Don't you just love my Beta!, she is fanfuckingtastic if you ask me.  
Reviews make me one happy bitch.**


	10. This Can't be Happening

**A/N: You know I really have no idea what I was thinking when I made chapters 7-9. Someone please explain why I was so utterly gay and fluffy?. Now It might have been the lack of sleep or the high sugar rush in order to keep myself awake, who knows?. I have no Idea where to take this now...Mmm I'm craving Ramen Noodles, hold on, be right back. Ramen Noodles here I come! :D.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight, blah blah blah, you know the rest.**

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BPOV-

Why me? why now? I decided it would be better to push those thoughts away and answer them later, right now I had a horny teenage boy to deal with. He was on top of me, kissing me with urgency which I didn't mind at all but I wasn't exactly in the mood at this very moment. The perfect chance came up when my phone started to ring.

I brought both of my hands up from his waist to his chest and tried to push him off of me but he wasn't having any of that "Edward, you're going to have to move before the chief comes here and busts your ass for sexual assault".

He was off of me in a second, I laughed at the scared look on his face.

"Hello?" I waited to hear the familiar sound of my dads voice.

"Bells?" I sighed in relief, definitely dad.

"Oh, hey dad, what's going on?" I knew he'd only call if there was an emergency or fire.

"Uh, well, this is going to be a little hard to say..." his voice cracked at the end.

"Dad, cut to the chase, what happened?" he was scaring the heck out of me, he never usually showed this much emotion before.

"Your mother is dead-" that's all I managed to hear, everything just muffled out and my body went into shock mode.

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**This is literally all that I can scrounge out of my mind right now, my mind is being all RAH RAH RAH! I'm a dirty wizard troll.**

**What rob is doing in my default picture is how I feel about myself right now.**

**Reviews would be nice.**


	11. Dead Newts

**A/N: Kay so I do believe that I need to have an updating schedule, well i kind of do...what with the lack of chapters and the not updating on time. Well I had a very upsetting review that said and I quote "You write like a dead newt"...? i'm sorry but if I write like a "dead newt" I wouldn't be able to write at all...I'D BE DEAD!, incapable of feeling, moving, and hearing. Please be more specific, maybe a you suck just stop writing would do...no? or perhaps writing is not your destiny, just stop. Oh my god how did you know my future and what I plan on doing -cue sarcasm- Writing is probably the only thing that I love to do for fun, absolutely not looking for a future in it. You know what here is what I could do for my story perhaps a... omg sparkle sparkle Edward has diamond skin, that diamond is girls best friend is true HEHEHE! but wait tall dark handsome burly man has wolf ability, i like me some wolf...*sparkle sparkle* oh I wants sparkle, too distracting to give up...and there you have my dead newt writing of New Moon. You satisfied? was it dead newt enough for you? You know I will give it up if i'm honestly that bad but i've only just begun, there is more for me to learn, remember that. I hope I don't "dead newt" this chapter, wouldn't want to do that now would I?**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, I couldn't because I write like a "dead newt".**

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BPOV-

"Bella!" I heard it but I couldn't answer, I couldn't move. I heard a heavy thump along with a dull smack. I hadn't realised it was me until I felt the dull ache in my head that began to make itself known.

"Bella...come on, you're scaring me" I heard the angel call to me but I couldn't see it's face, I couldn't for the life of me get myself to react. It was like my body was on lockdown. What just happened? was it all just my imagination? did it really just happen? I would like to think the latter. Even if my Mom died I couldn't-no-I wouldn't accept it, it's impossible. This can't be happening, it's all just a joke. Charlie will call any second and say "Haha! kiddo, just messing with ya!" but Charlie doesn't kid about serious things like this, he would most likely get mad if anyone ever tried to pull that off on him. I could probably sit on the floor all day and just try and kid myself that my mom wasn't dead but that would be ignorant, I cannot ignore the fact that my mom is gone. Never to hear her loving voice lullaby me to sleep again, willing my horrible nightmares away with her gentle caress. She's gone.

"Bella? please, wake up" I heard the concern but the sad in the angels voice made me feel guilty, I don't want the angel to be sad, a voice should never hold sadness.

I blinked up at a sharp light and winced at my actions, not the kind of thing one wants to wake up to. Where am I? I blinked out my blurry vision, I was met with a pair of sad green eyes.

"Edward?" I reached up to clear the frown his forehead that was making me nervous. Why does he look so sad, was it something I did?

"Bella, do you know what day it is?" he asked.

"September twenty, two thous-" his head shaking made me stop, was I wrong?

"No, it is October fourth, do you know where you are right now?" his face held an emotion that made me want to cry.

"A hospital?" I looked down and around to make sure I was, the hospital gown and sterile smell held that fact.

"Yes, do you know why your here?" his voice held no emotion when saying this.

"Cut it out with the doctor act, your scaring me" he looked down and took slow shaky breaths.

"What's going on? what happ-" I was cut off by everything from a few days flooding back to me, my mom.

I took a sharp intake of breath, she's gone. Edwards head flew up, worry spread across his face.

A heavy sob escaped my lips, she's gone.

A pair of arms brought me into their embrace, making me cry on their shoulder.

"S-she's g-gone..." it hurt more to say those words then to think them.

"Shhh, it's going to be okay...she isn't gone," he breathed into my hair.

"Wha-what?" the heavy weight that was in my throat lifted with the relief that I felt.

"It was just a misunderstanding, she's perfectly fine Bella, she's fine" I let it sink in and waited for my frantic sobs to subside.

"She's fine..." I tried the words out, they sounded right.

"Yes" that confirmation was all I needed, I trusted him.

I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Edward?"

"Hm..." he hummed on his place on top of my head.

"Thank you" I pressed my cheek to the side of his neck, feeling suddenly tired and drowsy.

"May I ask what for?"

"For staying with me" I smiled and succumbed to the heavy darkness of sleep.

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Wow that was a energy drainer for me, but I hope this was set to a better view(hope it wasn't too dead newt for ya)**

**Haha I had "Misguided Ghosts" by Paramore on repeat for this whole chapter because it was like the only song that actually helped me throughout the whole chapter. I suggest you listen to it while reading this, it has that nice feel good mood to it.**

**Reviews are better than "Dead Newts".**


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